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lyl_devilTitle: In Another Life (22/22+Epilogue)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lyl_devil
Rating: PG-15
Fandom: BtVS, Numb3rs
Pairing: Willow/Don
Beta:strangevisitor7 & kallie_kat
Words: ~49,000
Disclaimer: I don’t own either show. I just like to play in their sandboxes.
Summary: Every action has a consequence and every deal comes with a price. Willow’s life is wiped clean, so she makes a new one for herself in LA.
Master Post
Note: I don’t claim to know anything about magic, medicine or the FBI – what I didn’t pick up from tv and books, I made up.
Also, check out the title art I made quite some time ago during one of my procratinate-a-thons. :)
~!~
Part 22
Note: Angel S5 – last few episodes didn’t happen, so Angel & co. are still in charge of W&H.
It was a subdued group that walked back into the hotel suite several hours later.
Buffy had taken off to her room, cell phone clutched in her hand, and Giles didn’t doubt that Angel would be getting an earful soon enough. The vampire did live in LA, after all, and with the entirety of Wolfram and Hart at his disposal, it seemed suspicious that neither Angel nor his team had ever mentioned Willow being in LA. Alive and in LA.
Faith seemed the least fazed by the entire meeting, but then again this wasn’t her first meeting with Willow. Faith had time to adjust to the fact that Willow had no memory of Faith or even of the Willow they all knew from years before.
Giles watched as Xander dropped onto the plush sofa, looking every bit the teenager Giles couldn’t help but see him as. Heading for the ridiculously well-stocked bar, Giles poured himself a generous glass of scotch. He realized that both Buffy and Xander had been of the irrational belief that Willow would suddenly regain her memory at the sight of her friends and immediately return to England with them as if the last five years had been swept away.
He couldn’t really blame them, he supposed, considering he’d had some thoughts along those same lines.
But Willow hadn’t miraculously regained her memory, and it didn’t seem likely that she would be leaving LA any time in the near future. That point had been made fairly concretely by Mr Eppes. Giles had watched their interaction closely, and while his paternal side bristled at seeing this man – and he was most definitely a man, not a boy – lay claim to one of his children, part of Giles was pleased to see that Willow had someone who cared so very deeply for her. Eppes hadn’t been out of arms reach the entire time, but his presence hadn’t been intrusive. Well, it hadn’t been too intrusive.
“So how is Willow suddenly not gay?”
Xander. The one person Giles could always count on to break those tedious silences.
“I don’t believe it was ‘sudden’, Xander,” Giles chided, sipping his drink.
Xander lifted one hand, palm up, and said, “Before amnesia; gay,” then raised his other hand, mirroring the first, “After amnesia; not gay.”
“I really don’t believe the amnesia has anything to do with Willow’s sexual orientation.” It was a sign of how long Giles had been around teenagers and young adults, that the words ‘sexual orientation’ in relation to one of his children barely garnered a rosy cheek or a mild stutter.
He really needed some more adult friends.
“Hey, I’d switch teams, too, if it meant I got to hit that,” Faith chimed in, much to Giles’ despair.
“No perving on Willow boyfriend,” announced Xander, a finger pointed in her direction.
“I’m just sayin’.” Faith sat down in the nearest armchair, looking not the least bit contrite. Not that she ever was. It had been years since the Hellmouth had collapsed during their battle with the First, even longer since she’d been a young slayer, arriving on the Hellmouth for the first time running from the vampire that killed her watcher. Despite all these years and all the battles and maturing she had gone through, Faith was still Faith.
It was as comforting as it was disturbing.
“He didn’t believe us,” said Xander, after a moment. Giles didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what the younger man was talking about.
Sunnydale, and the story they’d spun to explain away the unexplainable for people who did not know of the supernatural.
“No, he didn’t,” agreed Giles. “I don’t know if Willow did or not, she’s harder to read than she used to be.”
“She doesn’t buy it, either,” commented Faith, somewhat subdued. “I think she was trying to make herself believe, but it wasn’t working. And Eppes won’t let her try and fool herself.”
“No, he won’t.” Despite the obvious support Don had given Willow during the meeting, and most likely over the years, Giles couldn’t help but think that they would have a better chance of getting Willow back to them if he wasn’t in the picture.
“I really, really wanted to give him the shovel speech,” Xander groused, his arms crossed in front of him. Giles was of the same opinion, even though common sense dictated that threatening Agent Eppes with bodily harm should he hurt Willow in any way, would only lead to a nasty confrontation he wasn’t sure he would walk away from.
“Somehow, I don’t see that working out too well for you,” grinned Faith, echoing Giles’ thoughts. “I get the feeling Boy Toy’s got a whole heap of connections and favours owed him that guaranteed if he missed, someone else wouldn’t.”
“You know something, Faith,” said Xander, pulling himself up to stare intently at Faith.
Giles watched in fascination as Faith rolled her head to look at Xander, relaxing further into the plush chair. He’d never really understood the friendship that had developed between these two, but he wasn’t going to pass up a front row seat to one of their discussions. Hopefully it would be as entertaining as some of the younger slayers claimed.
“I know a lot of things, Xan-man. You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Faith,” warned Xander, the hard edged tone to his voice making Giles’ Ripper instincts stand on edge.
Faith just rolled her eyes and huffed a sigh, as if she were doing Xander some incredible favour by continuing this conversation. “Fine.”
“The night before you guys got here, after I’d taken care of Her Royal Princess, I went around to some of the upper scale demon hangouts.”
“Faith,” Giles reprimanded, uncomfortable with how lax Faith and many of the other slayers were with their well-being. Simply because there were more of them, did not mean that they were more expendable and able to take more risks.
“Calm down, Giles. These weren’t the dive bars where anything goes and a single dead body on the floor means a slow night. These are places you go for real information; where the entire building is covered by a sanctuary spell.”
Giles felt himself calm down some, but still wished Faith would have a little more care for her personal safety. A slayer in a demon bar, even one protected by sanctuary, was still a temptation few of the upper level demons would pass up.
“What did you find out?” asked Xander, and Giles realized he wouldn’t be getting any help from that corner. By all accounts, Xander was fond of the same tactic.
“Eppes has made a name for himself in some circles,” she told them.
“Demon circles?” Giles clarified. “He’s part of the community?” This was not something he wanted to hear.
“Not part of the community, but they know him,” Faith said. “His team works on some of the nastiest cases in the city. He’s crossed paths with some of the tribes and clans in the city, but he never knew and they left him alone.”
“He’s worked on demon cases?”
“Not exactly. From what I was told, there were a few instances of some human-looking demons being fingered as the perps, but those were usually either frame jobs or wrong-place-wrong-time cases, and they were sorted out in the end. But that wasn’t what got him noticed.”
“So what did?” asked Xander, sounding as interested as Giles was.
“He’s taken down some of the darkest, nastiest bad guys in the city – human bad guys. Human bad guys who were interfering or killing demons in the community. They usually couldn’t go after whoever it was themselves – too well protected – but Eppes managed to take them down.”
“There was one case alone got him a couple life debts from some Triba demons,” finished Faith.
“Huh,” was all Xander said, falling against the back of the couch.
“Very interesting,” agreed Giles, taking a drink to ponder this newest development.
“If you wanted, I could spread the word that Eppes’ girlfriend is a good friend of the Slayer and the Council. Might give her some extra protection from the uglies that roam at night,” suggested Faith.
Giles pondered that for a bit. While his first instinct was to agree, give Willow as much protection as he could, his brain piped up with the rational, logical argument that claiming Willow in front of the LA demon community would only expose her to more danger. And her current situation didn’t allow for her to defend herself as she might once have.
“I suggest we hold off for now. I would rather not bring Willow to the attention of the demon community,” argued Giles. Faith and Xander nodded in agreement.
“Stupid vampire!”
A slam accompanied the yell as Buffy left the bedroom, closing the door behind her with more force than was strictly necessary.
“Tall, dark and broody have anything to say?” asked Xander. He hadn’t moved a muscle as Buffy had come storming back in, but then, neither had Giles. They were both more than used to the women in their lives shouting, screaming, throwing things and threatening to kill everyone and everything in sight.
“’It’s a city with four million people’,” parroted Buffy, cell phone gripped tightly in one hand. “’I can’t be responsible for knowing every single person in LA’.”
“He’s kind of got a point, B,” put in Faith, and Giles stifled a groan. Buffy needed to be angry at someone, and if that person was Angel rather than her sister slayer, then Giles was more than happy to let Buffy rant at the absent vampire.
Buffy just glared at Faith before turning her attention to Giles, confirming that she was going to ignore Faith.
“Riley left a message. Finally,” Buffy told him. Giles quirked an eyebrow, interested in hearing what he had to say. Buffy may have directed her anger at Angel, but Giles had set his sights firmly on Riley and the American military. They had been all over the Sunnydale crater within hours of its collapse, and he didn’t doubt for a minute that someone in Riley’s area had been involved in some aspect. The military knew what Sunnydale was, and would have definitely sent someone to investigate, someone who was fully aware of Buffy and her friends.
So the fact that no one had mentioned that Willow had been found alive and near the ruins of Sunnydale, was a suspicious oversight.
“He did some digging, and it seems that their records did show that Willow had been found alive and well. But because she had such complete amnesia, they decided that they couldn’t use her for any helpful information. The report was filed and put away, and no mention of it was made beyond a few case references numbers.”
“I’m still not seeing how they didn’t connect memory-less Willow with Sunnydale-witch Willow,” commented Xander.
“Riley said they sent a full team to Sunnydale when it went under, but after a few days of finding nothing they sent all but the most junior of the team back. The guy who wrote the report was new and didn’t understand the importance of just who Willow was, beyond being the only survivor,” explained Buffy. “Apparently he’s being ripped a new one.”
She sounded oddly pleased about that, and Giles didn’t have it in him to feel any differently.
“Does anyone else feel like a complete tool about that Google thing?” asked Buffy after a pause, throwing herself down on the couch next to Xander.
Xander grunted and reluctantly raised his hand, compelling Giles to do the same. Faith just slumped further down in her chair.
“She didn’t believe that we were looking for her,” continued Buffy. “But we were. Even after five years, we still asked around every time we came into contact with a group of demons or witches.”
“That, I believe, was the problem,” Giles commented. “We looked for her in the supernatural community. All our searches involved demons, witches, and magic. How can we tell her that we performed scrying spells instead of filing police reports.”
“Why didn’t she come up on any of the spells?” asked Buffy. “Willow’s a witch – a pretty powerful one. Yet every time someone looked for her, there was nothing.”
“Yes, well, I believe this is part of the answer.” Giles put down his glass and pulled out the cloth-wrapped amulet from his pocket.
“Yeah, what was up with the tacky jewellery, Giles?” wondered Faith.
Giles unwrapped the cloth, revealing a palm sized, round amulet. It was a tarnished golden colour, with inlayed stones of green and blue. He’d concocted some absurd story about finding the piece of jewellery near where Willow had disappeared in Sunnydale, and asked her if it seemed familiar in any way. Buffy, Xander and Faith had remained silent as Willow held the amulet and inspected it, before returning it with a regretful smile.
“I, too, had wondered about our lack of success in locating Willow using magic, so I brought this with me,” he explained. “It’s not dangerous, but it is attuned to all types of magic, be it human or demon.”
Picking up the amulet in his bare hands, he watched as it glowed a brilliant green, sending warm pulses through his finger tips. He handed it over to Faith, where it promptly turned blue.
“Freaky deaky, watcher man, but what does this have to do with anything?” asked Faith as she passed it on to Buffy, where it glowed that same iridescent blue.
“It picks up on even the faintest traces of magic. The amulet is mostly used to determine if a prospective applicant has the ability to become an apprentice in a coven.” Giles watched as Buffy flipped it over in her hands, inspecting the glowing stones. “If you’ll remember, I made sure I didn’t touch it directly in the coffee shop when handing it over. It glowed green when I touched it – that’s for human or earth magic. Blue is for supernatural or demon magic, which is what I believe powers the slayer line.”
Buffy passed the amulet over to Xander, where both colours lit up the amulet.
“Uh, Giles?” asked Xander, concern evident in his voice as he held the amulet away from his body.
“Don’t worry, Xander. It’s perfectly normal,” Giles soothed as took the amulet out of Xander’s hands. “You have no magic yourself, but seeing as you spend all your time around witches and slayers, it’s not surprising that you’ve soaked up some of their natural magics.”
“I’ve soaked up magic? Like a sponge? I’m a sponge?” cried out Xander.
“In the magical sense of the word, yes,” confirmed Giles, though he refrained from adding that this was most likely the source of his much complained about ‘demon magnetism’. The boy had enough to worry about as it was.
Xander simply moaned and covered his face with his hands. “I’m a sponge,” he kept repeating.
“Hey, I can go find you a pineapple, if you’re interested,” joked Faith, pointing a thumb towards the door.
“Shut up,” groaned Xander, though Giles could detect a hint of amusement in his voice.
“What does this have to do with Willow?” redirected Buffy, a smile having replaced the frown on her face. “That thing didn’t go all glowy on her at all.”
“That, I’m afraid, is the problem,” Giles told them. “Even before she started to dabble in magic, Willow had a strong vein of magic in her. It only grew stronger as she trained, and after Tara…well, it was enormous. Willow became incredibly powerful in a very short time, and that power is why we asked her to be the one to perform the spell to activate all the slayers.”
“Ok, but that’s gone? Is that what you’re saying?” Xander asked.
“In a way. I’m not certain what happened or how, but at the moment, Willow doesn’t have a drop of magic in her. That is why none of the spells were working, because we were looking for a witch among the population, instead of an ordinary human. We simply never considered the possibility that Willow had lost her magic.”
“But how can that happen?” demanded Buffy.
“I’m not entirely certain,” Giles replied.
“But you have an idea,” prompted Xander, who was becoming too shrewd as he aged.
“I – have a theory,” Giles admitted, pursing his lips.
“Well, let’s hear it,” announced Faith, pushing herself upright.
“I believe everything that’s happened to Willow has to do with the Scythe, and the spell she performed to activate the slayers.”
“How?” “What do you mean?”
“Please, calm down,” he told them with a raised hand, as if to hold them back. How three people could sound like a group five times their size was something Giles had yet to figure out.
“I’d always thought that the Scythe had something to do with Willow’s disappearance,” he admitted, though by the hesitant nods he saw, he hadn’t been the only one with such suspicions. “I began to research the Scythe, looking for every scrap of information I could discover. What little I could find said that the Scythe could only be wielded by a slayer. We all thought it meant physically, but I found a passage in a book in a library in Prague that made mention of grave consequences for any being who wielded the Scythe by either hand or magic.”
“So the Scythe took Willow, then took her magic and her memory?” asked Faith, incredulously.
“The Scythe was not meant to be used by someone other than a slayer,” Giles reiterated, giving them some time to process what he’d told them. He himself had nearly a year to come to terms with the idea that their final strike against the First had resulted in the loss of Willow, but the others were just learning of it.
“Can we do anything? Is there some spell or something we can do to get Willow back?” asked Buffy somewhat desperately.
“Yeah, I mean, if it’s all magical, can’t we just break the spell and get Willow her memory and magic back?” added Faith.
“I don’t believe it would work that way,” cautioned Giles. “I’m not certain what happened to her magic, but the loss of her memories may well have been a spell, one we can break or undo.”
“Yes. Research. Let’s do it,” proclaimed Xander, sounding excited about the prospect for what was most likely the first time in his life.
“Actually -” began Giles, only to be interrupted.
“You have a spell, already. Don’t you, Giles,” stated Buffy, a fond smile on her face.
“I have a spell,” he confirmed. “Not for breaking or undoing anything – that will require more research – but it does reveal the pattern of the last spell performed on an object. I’ve altered it somewhat for our purposes, and either Buffy or Faith will have to perform it, but it should gain us some answers.”
“Let’s do it,” said Buffy. Xander and Faith added their voices for support, and Giles just nodded in acceptance.
~!~
“So why didn’t you do this before now?” Xander wondered some time later. Xander and Giles were standing off to the side of the room, watching as Faith and Buffy prepared the spell around the Scythe.
No one had raised an eyebrow when Giles had pulled out the case containing the Scythe, for which he was grateful. He’d had an inkling that it might be needed at some point during this trip, mostly due to his mounting suspicions that the weapon had a great deal to do with Willow’s disappearance, and newly discovered memory loss. And the magic loss, as well.
“We had no proof Willow was alive or dead,” answered Giles. “I had a theory that Willow’s disappearance was linked to the Scythe, but no concrete proof. Also, I was afraid that I would find the answers that I was looking for.”
Giles saw Xander nod out of the corner of his eye, and knew the younger man understood. With Willow missing, there was hope that she was alive. Performing this ritual before now would have possibly told them that she was dead and they preferred to live with some small hope of life, rather than certain knowledge of death.
“We’re ready,” announced Buffy, stepping away from the circle of herbs staining the expensive white carpet.
“You can begin at any time, Buffy,” Giles told her. He kept his distance from the two slayers, hoping that he and Xander were far enough away that their presence would not be seen as interference, and thus no need for those consequences that had most likely gotten Willow in trouble in the first place.
He watched as the two women sprinkled and burned herbs, said phrases in dead languages and laid offerings next to the Scythe. Giles could feel the air in the room thicken with power, and moved to press his back more firmly against the wall. A dark wind swept over the room, circling the slayers and the Scythe in a slow but forceful whirlwind.
Already Giles knew the spell had gone wrong, or at least, was acting differently when in contact with the Scythe. He’d seen and performed this type of casting before, and never had the power called been so heavy and dangerous and foreign. This was not the magic he was use to dealing with, and he realized with a jolt that this was slayer magic. This was the pure, unfiltered power found at the core of each slayer, let loose and wild.
Willow, no matter how powerful, never would have been able to contain or channel this. Not on her own, or even with a full coven. It would have been akin to a spider web trying to channel an atomic blast.
Willow was lucky to have survived.
But the spell was taking shape, Giles noted, seeing the vaguely ghost-like form beginning to solidify between Buffy and Faith. There was simply more going on than the original spell.
Giles was almost positive that in previous instances, the spell had not caused every light bulb in the room to explode. Or the windows to crack and the glasses scattered about the room to shatter.
The sudden silence confused him, and he realized that the wind and power together had been howling and deafening in his ears. His head felt oddly empty without the build-up of pressure.
“You call to me with wondrous songs; what do you wish, my Chosen Ones?”
A lilting voice filled Giles’ head, setting up a pounding behind his eyes that made him long for an ice pick to gouge the bone and relieve the pressure building in his temple. The voice brought a picture of his literature professor from college, the woman who had made his life a living hell for more months than he cared to remember. This creature or demon or whatever it was, had the same haughty, disdainful tone of voice that Professor Halkenbury had.
He liked it even less now.
“Who are you?” asked Buffy, looking around in confusion, her face lit by the small ritual fire set next to the Scythe. It was the only light source in the room, and seemed strangely undisturbed by the wind that had never stopped blowing through the room.
”A weapon forged in blood and fire. You test my patience and my ire.”
“Huh?”
”The Chosen guard against the night; keeping others safe until first light. This weapon forged for Chosen hands; is guarded by those times of sands.”
“Right. That made even less sense,” commented Faith as she looked over at Giles. “You gettin’ any of this?”
“Yes. I believe I’m beginning to understand, Faith,” he said, blinking through the pain in his head. “I’ll explain it later.” Later would be best. Every word spoken drove the pain to higher levels, and a quick glance at Xander showed that he was holding up only slightly better than Giles was.
“Continue,” he urged.
“What about Willow? What happened to Willow?” Buffy asked, addressing the air around her.
”A choice put forth; a decision made. The little witch asked for aid.”
“So you made her choose? Give up her friends, her family, her memories, all because no one told us the fine print on this thing?” Buffy yelled, pointing down at the Scythe.
”The slayer line continues on; the battle’s won, the war is long.”
“Oh, don’t even try to push this as a good thing,” argued Faith. “She was trying to help us – trying to stop the First from destroying the slayer line. It wasn’t for her own purposes or against us!”
Silence met Faith’s words.
“Can you fix it? Can you give Willow back what you took?” demanded Buffy, looking near to her breaking point. Giles wished he could comfort her like in the past, but the power filling the room was still thick enough to choke on, and his head felt like it was about to explode.
”A deal was made; A bargain struck. The little witch is out of luck.”
“No! No, you give her back what you took!” yelled Buffy, waving her arms threateningly.
Suddenly, the magic left the room as abruptly as it arrived, taking with it the wind and the unnatural headache. Giles breathed a sigh of relief, which caught in his throat as he took in the ghostly figure standing in between Buffy and Faith.
“Willow,” he breathed, only peripherally aware that the others turned immediately to look at what had caught his attention.
“Well, sort of,” the figure admitted with a false smile. “I’m Willow, but only the parts of her that were left behind.”
“It’s so good to see you again,” whispered Buffy. Giles tried not to wince for the girl who saw this echo of her friend as more real than the flesh and blood version they’d met only a few hours ago.
“I can’t really say the same – it’s only been a few minutes for me,” she told them. “I just saw Kennedy leave the room with the Scythe, to go and join the battle. How did that turn out, by the way?”
“We won,” smiled Buffy.
“Sunnydale lost. Big time,” added Faith.
“Yeah, you know how we joked that it if Sunnydale sunk into a hole, no one would miss it? We were mostly right,” put in Xander, moving away from the wall.
Ghost-Willow just looked surprised, but not as surprised as she should have. Giles wondered if that was because she already knew and was just playing along, or if being an echo of the real Willow, she only had echoes of Willow’s emotions, as well. Something told him it was the latter.
“What happened?” Giles asked. “What bargain was made with the Guardian?”
“Woah! ‘Guardian’?” interrupted Faith. “You know what that thing was?”
“I’m not positive, but I believe it was one of the earth spirits from an ancient time that no longer exists. Some survived by becoming guardians or protectors, though they are very rare today. This one was apparently tied to the Scythe, to protect it from misuse and anything else that would befall it.” Throughout the explanation, Giles kept his eyes trained on the ghostly image of Willow, who didn’t so much as blink during the entire speech.
She also looked terribly young, compared to her live counterpart. And terribly blank, as well; almost like a robot or computer pretending to be human. The words and facial feature were there, but the eyes were flat and dead.
“What deal was made?” Giles repeated.
“I had already ‘trangressed’ when she showed up,” said Willow. “I decided that if I had to pay for using the Scythe, I would make sure the spell worked. She agreed.”
“So she took your memories and your magic, and the dumped you someplace we wouldn’t find you?” Willow frowned at Buffy. The movement looked stiff and forced, as if there was no feeling behind it.
“No, she took my magic. The memories were something she offered after, when she didn’t have to,” explained Willow. “I don’t know about what happened after that, but the deal was she would put me where I would be found by a friend.”
“Why did she offer to remove your memory?” Giles asked, a frown on his own face.
“And why did you agree?” demanded Xander.
Willow tilted her head as she looked at Xander, her face back to its blank mask. “My magic was gone,” she told Xander, as if that explained everything. Though perhaps, it did.
“How was it removed?” Giles asked her, dreading the answer he was sure he wouldn’t like. There were reasons dangerous witches had their powers bound and not stripped.
“You know,” confirmed Willow, nodding at Giles. And he did.
“Care to share with the class, Giles?” prompted Faith.
“The power was ripped from her body,” Giles announced, focussing his gaze on the helpfully blank face of the Willow-ghost. “Every ounce of magic was pulled from her body, one agonizing handful at a time. Most witches don’t survive, and instead let their bodies slide into death as their magic is depleted.”
“I didn’t have that luxury,” confirmed the Willow-ghost.
“It’s agonizing for those who survive the process,” added Giles, trying to block out the image of Willow experiencing such pain.
“My death was not part of the bargain,” the Willow-ghost told them, adding, “and I was a very powerful witch.”
Buffy and Faith turned pale faces to look at Giles, but it was Xander who answered them.
“It took longer.”
“Boy, did it.” Giles felt almost angry at the ghost in front of him, for showing such a lack of seriousness when discussing the agony Willow had gone through.
“You don’t remember it, do you?” he demanded, his voice sounding harsher than he expected.
“I have the knowledge of the pain, and I know that it happened, but the actual memory of the pain itself is not there,” she confirmed.
“So she took your entire memory, to erase the memory of having your magic ripped away,” choked out Giles, closing his eyes.
“In a way,” she said. “Afterwards, my nerves were raw. Every part of my body felt like it was on fire, and I felt empty. Where I knew my magic should be, there was a deep, ragged, bloody wound that was sending bolts of hot agony through every nerve ending in my entire body.”
“She decided to take pity on me, and erase any memory I had of magic. Her thinking was that if I never knew I’d had magic to start with, I would never feel its loss,” she continued. “I had two choices – only two. Either she could take only the memories I had of magic, or she could take them all. Every memory, every detail and experience I’d ever had, would be gone.”
“And you went for the full memory wipe?” cried out an incredulous Xander.
“Do you know how much of my life has been touched by magic?” the Willow-ghost asked, frowning in a pale imitation of a real person. “Except for a few moments here or there, my entire life past the age of fifteen would have been wiped out. Everything from the day I met Buffy, until the day I did that last spell. Gone. I would have regressed to a fifteen year old.”
“So you choose the full service option,” snapped Xander.
“I didn’t think I had a choice. There was no way I was going back to being a fifteen year old, and there was never the option of not taking my memories,” she argued back. “Besides, she told me she’d leave me where a friend would find me.”
“But-“
“My time’s almost up,” she interrupted Xander.
“No! You can’t go!” Buffy cried, reaching out a hand to grab hold of her, but getting nothing but air.
“I’m not really here, Buffy,” the Willow-ghost reminded her. “But I want you to remember something for me. No matter what’s happened since Sunnydale, know that I don’t regret my choices. I do have a few things I wouldn’t mind changing, but meeting you and then doing this spell – I’ll never be sorry for any of it.”
Buffy begged for Willow to stay as she started to fade, Xander echoing her pleas, but all too soon there was nothing left, not even a hint of mist.
Giles let the children gather themselves up, studiously avoiding admitting that he needed some time to pull himself together as well.
“So, what are we going to do now?” asked Faith. “What are we going to do about Willow?”
Giles remained as silent as the rest of them, but an idea began to circle through his mind. It had been forming slowly for the last day, but meeting Willow today – and then meeting her past-ghost-echo-self – the idea began to take shape.
If they couldn’t get Willow to come with them to London, then they would just have to bring London to Willow. Or some of the people, at least.
End Part 22
Epilogue
Author:
lyl_devilRating: PG-15
Fandom: BtVS, Numb3rs
Pairing: Willow/Don
Beta:
strangevisitor7 & kallie_katWords: ~49,000
Disclaimer: I don’t own either show. I just like to play in their sandboxes.
Summary: Every action has a consequence and every deal comes with a price. Willow’s life is wiped clean, so she makes a new one for herself in LA.
Master Post
Note: I don’t claim to know anything about magic, medicine or the FBI – what I didn’t pick up from tv and books, I made up.
Also, check out the title art I made quite some time ago during one of my procratinate-a-thons. :)
~!~
Part 22
Note: Angel S5 – last few episodes didn’t happen, so Angel & co. are still in charge of W&H.
It was a subdued group that walked back into the hotel suite several hours later.
Buffy had taken off to her room, cell phone clutched in her hand, and Giles didn’t doubt that Angel would be getting an earful soon enough. The vampire did live in LA, after all, and with the entirety of Wolfram and Hart at his disposal, it seemed suspicious that neither Angel nor his team had ever mentioned Willow being in LA. Alive and in LA.
Faith seemed the least fazed by the entire meeting, but then again this wasn’t her first meeting with Willow. Faith had time to adjust to the fact that Willow had no memory of Faith or even of the Willow they all knew from years before.
Giles watched as Xander dropped onto the plush sofa, looking every bit the teenager Giles couldn’t help but see him as. Heading for the ridiculously well-stocked bar, Giles poured himself a generous glass of scotch. He realized that both Buffy and Xander had been of the irrational belief that Willow would suddenly regain her memory at the sight of her friends and immediately return to England with them as if the last five years had been swept away.
He couldn’t really blame them, he supposed, considering he’d had some thoughts along those same lines.
But Willow hadn’t miraculously regained her memory, and it didn’t seem likely that she would be leaving LA any time in the near future. That point had been made fairly concretely by Mr Eppes. Giles had watched their interaction closely, and while his paternal side bristled at seeing this man – and he was most definitely a man, not a boy – lay claim to one of his children, part of Giles was pleased to see that Willow had someone who cared so very deeply for her. Eppes hadn’t been out of arms reach the entire time, but his presence hadn’t been intrusive. Well, it hadn’t been too intrusive.
“So how is Willow suddenly not gay?”
Xander. The one person Giles could always count on to break those tedious silences.
“I don’t believe it was ‘sudden’, Xander,” Giles chided, sipping his drink.
Xander lifted one hand, palm up, and said, “Before amnesia; gay,” then raised his other hand, mirroring the first, “After amnesia; not gay.”
“I really don’t believe the amnesia has anything to do with Willow’s sexual orientation.” It was a sign of how long Giles had been around teenagers and young adults, that the words ‘sexual orientation’ in relation to one of his children barely garnered a rosy cheek or a mild stutter.
He really needed some more adult friends.
“Hey, I’d switch teams, too, if it meant I got to hit that,” Faith chimed in, much to Giles’ despair.
“No perving on Willow boyfriend,” announced Xander, a finger pointed in her direction.
“I’m just sayin’.” Faith sat down in the nearest armchair, looking not the least bit contrite. Not that she ever was. It had been years since the Hellmouth had collapsed during their battle with the First, even longer since she’d been a young slayer, arriving on the Hellmouth for the first time running from the vampire that killed her watcher. Despite all these years and all the battles and maturing she had gone through, Faith was still Faith.
It was as comforting as it was disturbing.
“He didn’t believe us,” said Xander, after a moment. Giles didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what the younger man was talking about.
Sunnydale, and the story they’d spun to explain away the unexplainable for people who did not know of the supernatural.
“No, he didn’t,” agreed Giles. “I don’t know if Willow did or not, she’s harder to read than she used to be.”
“She doesn’t buy it, either,” commented Faith, somewhat subdued. “I think she was trying to make herself believe, but it wasn’t working. And Eppes won’t let her try and fool herself.”
“No, he won’t.” Despite the obvious support Don had given Willow during the meeting, and most likely over the years, Giles couldn’t help but think that they would have a better chance of getting Willow back to them if he wasn’t in the picture.
“I really, really wanted to give him the shovel speech,” Xander groused, his arms crossed in front of him. Giles was of the same opinion, even though common sense dictated that threatening Agent Eppes with bodily harm should he hurt Willow in any way, would only lead to a nasty confrontation he wasn’t sure he would walk away from.
“Somehow, I don’t see that working out too well for you,” grinned Faith, echoing Giles’ thoughts. “I get the feeling Boy Toy’s got a whole heap of connections and favours owed him that guaranteed if he missed, someone else wouldn’t.”
“You know something, Faith,” said Xander, pulling himself up to stare intently at Faith.
Giles watched in fascination as Faith rolled her head to look at Xander, relaxing further into the plush chair. He’d never really understood the friendship that had developed between these two, but he wasn’t going to pass up a front row seat to one of their discussions. Hopefully it would be as entertaining as some of the younger slayers claimed.
“I know a lot of things, Xan-man. You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Faith,” warned Xander, the hard edged tone to his voice making Giles’ Ripper instincts stand on edge.
Faith just rolled her eyes and huffed a sigh, as if she were doing Xander some incredible favour by continuing this conversation. “Fine.”
“The night before you guys got here, after I’d taken care of Her Royal Princess, I went around to some of the upper scale demon hangouts.”
“Faith,” Giles reprimanded, uncomfortable with how lax Faith and many of the other slayers were with their well-being. Simply because there were more of them, did not mean that they were more expendable and able to take more risks.
“Calm down, Giles. These weren’t the dive bars where anything goes and a single dead body on the floor means a slow night. These are places you go for real information; where the entire building is covered by a sanctuary spell.”
Giles felt himself calm down some, but still wished Faith would have a little more care for her personal safety. A slayer in a demon bar, even one protected by sanctuary, was still a temptation few of the upper level demons would pass up.
“What did you find out?” asked Xander, and Giles realized he wouldn’t be getting any help from that corner. By all accounts, Xander was fond of the same tactic.
“Eppes has made a name for himself in some circles,” she told them.
“Demon circles?” Giles clarified. “He’s part of the community?” This was not something he wanted to hear.
“Not part of the community, but they know him,” Faith said. “His team works on some of the nastiest cases in the city. He’s crossed paths with some of the tribes and clans in the city, but he never knew and they left him alone.”
“He’s worked on demon cases?”
“Not exactly. From what I was told, there were a few instances of some human-looking demons being fingered as the perps, but those were usually either frame jobs or wrong-place-wrong-time cases, and they were sorted out in the end. But that wasn’t what got him noticed.”
“So what did?” asked Xander, sounding as interested as Giles was.
“He’s taken down some of the darkest, nastiest bad guys in the city – human bad guys. Human bad guys who were interfering or killing demons in the community. They usually couldn’t go after whoever it was themselves – too well protected – but Eppes managed to take them down.”
“There was one case alone got him a couple life debts from some Triba demons,” finished Faith.
“Huh,” was all Xander said, falling against the back of the couch.
“Very interesting,” agreed Giles, taking a drink to ponder this newest development.
“If you wanted, I could spread the word that Eppes’ girlfriend is a good friend of the Slayer and the Council. Might give her some extra protection from the uglies that roam at night,” suggested Faith.
Giles pondered that for a bit. While his first instinct was to agree, give Willow as much protection as he could, his brain piped up with the rational, logical argument that claiming Willow in front of the LA demon community would only expose her to more danger. And her current situation didn’t allow for her to defend herself as she might once have.
“I suggest we hold off for now. I would rather not bring Willow to the attention of the demon community,” argued Giles. Faith and Xander nodded in agreement.
“Stupid vampire!”
A slam accompanied the yell as Buffy left the bedroom, closing the door behind her with more force than was strictly necessary.
“Tall, dark and broody have anything to say?” asked Xander. He hadn’t moved a muscle as Buffy had come storming back in, but then, neither had Giles. They were both more than used to the women in their lives shouting, screaming, throwing things and threatening to kill everyone and everything in sight.
“’It’s a city with four million people’,” parroted Buffy, cell phone gripped tightly in one hand. “’I can’t be responsible for knowing every single person in LA’.”
“He’s kind of got a point, B,” put in Faith, and Giles stifled a groan. Buffy needed to be angry at someone, and if that person was Angel rather than her sister slayer, then Giles was more than happy to let Buffy rant at the absent vampire.
Buffy just glared at Faith before turning her attention to Giles, confirming that she was going to ignore Faith.
“Riley left a message. Finally,” Buffy told him. Giles quirked an eyebrow, interested in hearing what he had to say. Buffy may have directed her anger at Angel, but Giles had set his sights firmly on Riley and the American military. They had been all over the Sunnydale crater within hours of its collapse, and he didn’t doubt for a minute that someone in Riley’s area had been involved in some aspect. The military knew what Sunnydale was, and would have definitely sent someone to investigate, someone who was fully aware of Buffy and her friends.
So the fact that no one had mentioned that Willow had been found alive and near the ruins of Sunnydale, was a suspicious oversight.
“He did some digging, and it seems that their records did show that Willow had been found alive and well. But because she had such complete amnesia, they decided that they couldn’t use her for any helpful information. The report was filed and put away, and no mention of it was made beyond a few case references numbers.”
“I’m still not seeing how they didn’t connect memory-less Willow with Sunnydale-witch Willow,” commented Xander.
“Riley said they sent a full team to Sunnydale when it went under, but after a few days of finding nothing they sent all but the most junior of the team back. The guy who wrote the report was new and didn’t understand the importance of just who Willow was, beyond being the only survivor,” explained Buffy. “Apparently he’s being ripped a new one.”
She sounded oddly pleased about that, and Giles didn’t have it in him to feel any differently.
“Does anyone else feel like a complete tool about that Google thing?” asked Buffy after a pause, throwing herself down on the couch next to Xander.
Xander grunted and reluctantly raised his hand, compelling Giles to do the same. Faith just slumped further down in her chair.
“She didn’t believe that we were looking for her,” continued Buffy. “But we were. Even after five years, we still asked around every time we came into contact with a group of demons or witches.”
“That, I believe, was the problem,” Giles commented. “We looked for her in the supernatural community. All our searches involved demons, witches, and magic. How can we tell her that we performed scrying spells instead of filing police reports.”
“Why didn’t she come up on any of the spells?” asked Buffy. “Willow’s a witch – a pretty powerful one. Yet every time someone looked for her, there was nothing.”
“Yes, well, I believe this is part of the answer.” Giles put down his glass and pulled out the cloth-wrapped amulet from his pocket.
“Yeah, what was up with the tacky jewellery, Giles?” wondered Faith.
Giles unwrapped the cloth, revealing a palm sized, round amulet. It was a tarnished golden colour, with inlayed stones of green and blue. He’d concocted some absurd story about finding the piece of jewellery near where Willow had disappeared in Sunnydale, and asked her if it seemed familiar in any way. Buffy, Xander and Faith had remained silent as Willow held the amulet and inspected it, before returning it with a regretful smile.
“I, too, had wondered about our lack of success in locating Willow using magic, so I brought this with me,” he explained. “It’s not dangerous, but it is attuned to all types of magic, be it human or demon.”
Picking up the amulet in his bare hands, he watched as it glowed a brilliant green, sending warm pulses through his finger tips. He handed it over to Faith, where it promptly turned blue.
“Freaky deaky, watcher man, but what does this have to do with anything?” asked Faith as she passed it on to Buffy, where it glowed that same iridescent blue.
“It picks up on even the faintest traces of magic. The amulet is mostly used to determine if a prospective applicant has the ability to become an apprentice in a coven.” Giles watched as Buffy flipped it over in her hands, inspecting the glowing stones. “If you’ll remember, I made sure I didn’t touch it directly in the coffee shop when handing it over. It glowed green when I touched it – that’s for human or earth magic. Blue is for supernatural or demon magic, which is what I believe powers the slayer line.”
Buffy passed the amulet over to Xander, where both colours lit up the amulet.
“Uh, Giles?” asked Xander, concern evident in his voice as he held the amulet away from his body.
“Don’t worry, Xander. It’s perfectly normal,” Giles soothed as took the amulet out of Xander’s hands. “You have no magic yourself, but seeing as you spend all your time around witches and slayers, it’s not surprising that you’ve soaked up some of their natural magics.”
“I’ve soaked up magic? Like a sponge? I’m a sponge?” cried out Xander.
“In the magical sense of the word, yes,” confirmed Giles, though he refrained from adding that this was most likely the source of his much complained about ‘demon magnetism’. The boy had enough to worry about as it was.
Xander simply moaned and covered his face with his hands. “I’m a sponge,” he kept repeating.
“Hey, I can go find you a pineapple, if you’re interested,” joked Faith, pointing a thumb towards the door.
“Shut up,” groaned Xander, though Giles could detect a hint of amusement in his voice.
“What does this have to do with Willow?” redirected Buffy, a smile having replaced the frown on her face. “That thing didn’t go all glowy on her at all.”
“That, I’m afraid, is the problem,” Giles told them. “Even before she started to dabble in magic, Willow had a strong vein of magic in her. It only grew stronger as she trained, and after Tara…well, it was enormous. Willow became incredibly powerful in a very short time, and that power is why we asked her to be the one to perform the spell to activate all the slayers.”
“Ok, but that’s gone? Is that what you’re saying?” Xander asked.
“In a way. I’m not certain what happened or how, but at the moment, Willow doesn’t have a drop of magic in her. That is why none of the spells were working, because we were looking for a witch among the population, instead of an ordinary human. We simply never considered the possibility that Willow had lost her magic.”
“But how can that happen?” demanded Buffy.
“I’m not entirely certain,” Giles replied.
“But you have an idea,” prompted Xander, who was becoming too shrewd as he aged.
“I – have a theory,” Giles admitted, pursing his lips.
“Well, let’s hear it,” announced Faith, pushing herself upright.
“I believe everything that’s happened to Willow has to do with the Scythe, and the spell she performed to activate the slayers.”
“How?” “What do you mean?”
“Please, calm down,” he told them with a raised hand, as if to hold them back. How three people could sound like a group five times their size was something Giles had yet to figure out.
“I’d always thought that the Scythe had something to do with Willow’s disappearance,” he admitted, though by the hesitant nods he saw, he hadn’t been the only one with such suspicions. “I began to research the Scythe, looking for every scrap of information I could discover. What little I could find said that the Scythe could only be wielded by a slayer. We all thought it meant physically, but I found a passage in a book in a library in Prague that made mention of grave consequences for any being who wielded the Scythe by either hand or magic.”
“So the Scythe took Willow, then took her magic and her memory?” asked Faith, incredulously.
“The Scythe was not meant to be used by someone other than a slayer,” Giles reiterated, giving them some time to process what he’d told them. He himself had nearly a year to come to terms with the idea that their final strike against the First had resulted in the loss of Willow, but the others were just learning of it.
“Can we do anything? Is there some spell or something we can do to get Willow back?” asked Buffy somewhat desperately.
“Yeah, I mean, if it’s all magical, can’t we just break the spell and get Willow her memory and magic back?” added Faith.
“I don’t believe it would work that way,” cautioned Giles. “I’m not certain what happened to her magic, but the loss of her memories may well have been a spell, one we can break or undo.”
“Yes. Research. Let’s do it,” proclaimed Xander, sounding excited about the prospect for what was most likely the first time in his life.
“Actually -” began Giles, only to be interrupted.
“You have a spell, already. Don’t you, Giles,” stated Buffy, a fond smile on her face.
“I have a spell,” he confirmed. “Not for breaking or undoing anything – that will require more research – but it does reveal the pattern of the last spell performed on an object. I’ve altered it somewhat for our purposes, and either Buffy or Faith will have to perform it, but it should gain us some answers.”
“Let’s do it,” said Buffy. Xander and Faith added their voices for support, and Giles just nodded in acceptance.
~!~
“So why didn’t you do this before now?” Xander wondered some time later. Xander and Giles were standing off to the side of the room, watching as Faith and Buffy prepared the spell around the Scythe.
No one had raised an eyebrow when Giles had pulled out the case containing the Scythe, for which he was grateful. He’d had an inkling that it might be needed at some point during this trip, mostly due to his mounting suspicions that the weapon had a great deal to do with Willow’s disappearance, and newly discovered memory loss. And the magic loss, as well.
“We had no proof Willow was alive or dead,” answered Giles. “I had a theory that Willow’s disappearance was linked to the Scythe, but no concrete proof. Also, I was afraid that I would find the answers that I was looking for.”
Giles saw Xander nod out of the corner of his eye, and knew the younger man understood. With Willow missing, there was hope that she was alive. Performing this ritual before now would have possibly told them that she was dead and they preferred to live with some small hope of life, rather than certain knowledge of death.
“We’re ready,” announced Buffy, stepping away from the circle of herbs staining the expensive white carpet.
“You can begin at any time, Buffy,” Giles told her. He kept his distance from the two slayers, hoping that he and Xander were far enough away that their presence would not be seen as interference, and thus no need for those consequences that had most likely gotten Willow in trouble in the first place.
He watched as the two women sprinkled and burned herbs, said phrases in dead languages and laid offerings next to the Scythe. Giles could feel the air in the room thicken with power, and moved to press his back more firmly against the wall. A dark wind swept over the room, circling the slayers and the Scythe in a slow but forceful whirlwind.
Already Giles knew the spell had gone wrong, or at least, was acting differently when in contact with the Scythe. He’d seen and performed this type of casting before, and never had the power called been so heavy and dangerous and foreign. This was not the magic he was use to dealing with, and he realized with a jolt that this was slayer magic. This was the pure, unfiltered power found at the core of each slayer, let loose and wild.
Willow, no matter how powerful, never would have been able to contain or channel this. Not on her own, or even with a full coven. It would have been akin to a spider web trying to channel an atomic blast.
Willow was lucky to have survived.
But the spell was taking shape, Giles noted, seeing the vaguely ghost-like form beginning to solidify between Buffy and Faith. There was simply more going on than the original spell.
Giles was almost positive that in previous instances, the spell had not caused every light bulb in the room to explode. Or the windows to crack and the glasses scattered about the room to shatter.
The sudden silence confused him, and he realized that the wind and power together had been howling and deafening in his ears. His head felt oddly empty without the build-up of pressure.
“You call to me with wondrous songs; what do you wish, my Chosen Ones?”
A lilting voice filled Giles’ head, setting up a pounding behind his eyes that made him long for an ice pick to gouge the bone and relieve the pressure building in his temple. The voice brought a picture of his literature professor from college, the woman who had made his life a living hell for more months than he cared to remember. This creature or demon or whatever it was, had the same haughty, disdainful tone of voice that Professor Halkenbury had.
He liked it even less now.
“Who are you?” asked Buffy, looking around in confusion, her face lit by the small ritual fire set next to the Scythe. It was the only light source in the room, and seemed strangely undisturbed by the wind that had never stopped blowing through the room.
”A weapon forged in blood and fire. You test my patience and my ire.”
“Huh?”
”The Chosen guard against the night; keeping others safe until first light. This weapon forged for Chosen hands; is guarded by those times of sands.”
“Right. That made even less sense,” commented Faith as she looked over at Giles. “You gettin’ any of this?”
“Yes. I believe I’m beginning to understand, Faith,” he said, blinking through the pain in his head. “I’ll explain it later.” Later would be best. Every word spoken drove the pain to higher levels, and a quick glance at Xander showed that he was holding up only slightly better than Giles was.
“Continue,” he urged.
“What about Willow? What happened to Willow?” Buffy asked, addressing the air around her.
”A choice put forth; a decision made. The little witch asked for aid.”
“So you made her choose? Give up her friends, her family, her memories, all because no one told us the fine print on this thing?” Buffy yelled, pointing down at the Scythe.
”The slayer line continues on; the battle’s won, the war is long.”
“Oh, don’t even try to push this as a good thing,” argued Faith. “She was trying to help us – trying to stop the First from destroying the slayer line. It wasn’t for her own purposes or against us!”
Silence met Faith’s words.
“Can you fix it? Can you give Willow back what you took?” demanded Buffy, looking near to her breaking point. Giles wished he could comfort her like in the past, but the power filling the room was still thick enough to choke on, and his head felt like it was about to explode.
”A deal was made; A bargain struck. The little witch is out of luck.”
“No! No, you give her back what you took!” yelled Buffy, waving her arms threateningly.
Suddenly, the magic left the room as abruptly as it arrived, taking with it the wind and the unnatural headache. Giles breathed a sigh of relief, which caught in his throat as he took in the ghostly figure standing in between Buffy and Faith.
“Willow,” he breathed, only peripherally aware that the others turned immediately to look at what had caught his attention.
“Well, sort of,” the figure admitted with a false smile. “I’m Willow, but only the parts of her that were left behind.”
“It’s so good to see you again,” whispered Buffy. Giles tried not to wince for the girl who saw this echo of her friend as more real than the flesh and blood version they’d met only a few hours ago.
“I can’t really say the same – it’s only been a few minutes for me,” she told them. “I just saw Kennedy leave the room with the Scythe, to go and join the battle. How did that turn out, by the way?”
“We won,” smiled Buffy.
“Sunnydale lost. Big time,” added Faith.
“Yeah, you know how we joked that it if Sunnydale sunk into a hole, no one would miss it? We were mostly right,” put in Xander, moving away from the wall.
Ghost-Willow just looked surprised, but not as surprised as she should have. Giles wondered if that was because she already knew and was just playing along, or if being an echo of the real Willow, she only had echoes of Willow’s emotions, as well. Something told him it was the latter.
“What happened?” Giles asked. “What bargain was made with the Guardian?”
“Woah! ‘Guardian’?” interrupted Faith. “You know what that thing was?”
“I’m not positive, but I believe it was one of the earth spirits from an ancient time that no longer exists. Some survived by becoming guardians or protectors, though they are very rare today. This one was apparently tied to the Scythe, to protect it from misuse and anything else that would befall it.” Throughout the explanation, Giles kept his eyes trained on the ghostly image of Willow, who didn’t so much as blink during the entire speech.
She also looked terribly young, compared to her live counterpart. And terribly blank, as well; almost like a robot or computer pretending to be human. The words and facial feature were there, but the eyes were flat and dead.
“What deal was made?” Giles repeated.
“I had already ‘trangressed’ when she showed up,” said Willow. “I decided that if I had to pay for using the Scythe, I would make sure the spell worked. She agreed.”
“So she took your memories and your magic, and the dumped you someplace we wouldn’t find you?” Willow frowned at Buffy. The movement looked stiff and forced, as if there was no feeling behind it.
“No, she took my magic. The memories were something she offered after, when she didn’t have to,” explained Willow. “I don’t know about what happened after that, but the deal was she would put me where I would be found by a friend.”
“Why did she offer to remove your memory?” Giles asked, a frown on his own face.
“And why did you agree?” demanded Xander.
Willow tilted her head as she looked at Xander, her face back to its blank mask. “My magic was gone,” she told Xander, as if that explained everything. Though perhaps, it did.
“How was it removed?” Giles asked her, dreading the answer he was sure he wouldn’t like. There were reasons dangerous witches had their powers bound and not stripped.
“You know,” confirmed Willow, nodding at Giles. And he did.
“Care to share with the class, Giles?” prompted Faith.
“The power was ripped from her body,” Giles announced, focussing his gaze on the helpfully blank face of the Willow-ghost. “Every ounce of magic was pulled from her body, one agonizing handful at a time. Most witches don’t survive, and instead let their bodies slide into death as their magic is depleted.”
“I didn’t have that luxury,” confirmed the Willow-ghost.
“It’s agonizing for those who survive the process,” added Giles, trying to block out the image of Willow experiencing such pain.
“My death was not part of the bargain,” the Willow-ghost told them, adding, “and I was a very powerful witch.”
Buffy and Faith turned pale faces to look at Giles, but it was Xander who answered them.
“It took longer.”
“Boy, did it.” Giles felt almost angry at the ghost in front of him, for showing such a lack of seriousness when discussing the agony Willow had gone through.
“You don’t remember it, do you?” he demanded, his voice sounding harsher than he expected.
“I have the knowledge of the pain, and I know that it happened, but the actual memory of the pain itself is not there,” she confirmed.
“So she took your entire memory, to erase the memory of having your magic ripped away,” choked out Giles, closing his eyes.
“In a way,” she said. “Afterwards, my nerves were raw. Every part of my body felt like it was on fire, and I felt empty. Where I knew my magic should be, there was a deep, ragged, bloody wound that was sending bolts of hot agony through every nerve ending in my entire body.”
“She decided to take pity on me, and erase any memory I had of magic. Her thinking was that if I never knew I’d had magic to start with, I would never feel its loss,” she continued. “I had two choices – only two. Either she could take only the memories I had of magic, or she could take them all. Every memory, every detail and experience I’d ever had, would be gone.”
“And you went for the full memory wipe?” cried out an incredulous Xander.
“Do you know how much of my life has been touched by magic?” the Willow-ghost asked, frowning in a pale imitation of a real person. “Except for a few moments here or there, my entire life past the age of fifteen would have been wiped out. Everything from the day I met Buffy, until the day I did that last spell. Gone. I would have regressed to a fifteen year old.”
“So you choose the full service option,” snapped Xander.
“I didn’t think I had a choice. There was no way I was going back to being a fifteen year old, and there was never the option of not taking my memories,” she argued back. “Besides, she told me she’d leave me where a friend would find me.”
“But-“
“My time’s almost up,” she interrupted Xander.
“No! You can’t go!” Buffy cried, reaching out a hand to grab hold of her, but getting nothing but air.
“I’m not really here, Buffy,” the Willow-ghost reminded her. “But I want you to remember something for me. No matter what’s happened since Sunnydale, know that I don’t regret my choices. I do have a few things I wouldn’t mind changing, but meeting you and then doing this spell – I’ll never be sorry for any of it.”
Buffy begged for Willow to stay as she started to fade, Xander echoing her pleas, but all too soon there was nothing left, not even a hint of mist.
Giles let the children gather themselves up, studiously avoiding admitting that he needed some time to pull himself together as well.
“So, what are we going to do now?” asked Faith. “What are we going to do about Willow?”
Giles remained as silent as the rest of them, but an idea began to circle through his mind. It had been forming slowly for the last day, but meeting Willow today – and then meeting her past-ghost-echo-self – the idea began to take shape.
If they couldn’t get Willow to come with them to London, then they would just have to bring London to Willow. Or some of the people, at least.
End Part 22
Epilogue